I mean, of course it's not what all queerspawn look like. If there's anything I've learned from my two moms, it's that people come in so many different forms. People are diverse, people are incommensurable, but people are people.
The things I get asked when I reveal to someone that I have two moms sound like a broken record at this point: "So are you actually related to your sister?" "So is one of your moms your real mom?" And my personal favorite: "How did you even happen?" Luckily for me, no one has ever asked me me these questions with malicious intention. Everyone who has ever asked me these questions (though they seem sort of silly to me after all these years) have asked me these questions because they are interested in my life, confused about how I came to be and want to learn, or even think it's cool that I have two moms.
That said, my life is so, so normal: full of blessings, full of a few mishaps, but definitely normal. People ask me "what it's like" to have two moms all the freaking time. All I can say back is: what is it like having a dad? What is it like not having another strong, independent, confident powerhouse under your roof? Our family structures all have their pros and cons. They are all beautiful and ugly in their own special ways, and that's life.
I want to preface by saying how I'm related to my sister and my other mom because I understand that it can be confusing to some people. Basically, my parents became partners a long, long time ago. They each used the same sperm donor (two years apart from one another) to have two daughters. My sister is my "half-sister" but she was raised as my sister. My non-biological mother is as much my mother as the woman who gave birth to me. Megan and I grew up as two completely normal sisters. We developed our own form of morse code we could tap on the wall between our bedrooms when we were in time-out, we freaked out together when we got our first laptops, and we went to a Hannah Montana concert together.
I never really experienced any homophobia when I was younger. When I told people my parents were gay, obviously they were confused, most of the time, about our semi-unique family situation. However, it was always so normal to me that I only realized homophobia was a thing when I got into high school and really started learning about the world and the mean people in it (Donald Trump).
And for everyone who is wondering: my parents are two gay woman who have SUCCEEDED in raising two daughters. For anyone who has doubts about queer parents' ability to raise children, let me tell you a few things. First: fuck off. Second: My sister and I are some of the first in our family to go to college and earn our degrees. We are incredibly ambitious, and as you can see that in this case at least, our parents have gone above and beyond as far as parenting goes in terms of our educations. Megan is currently a junior at the prestigious Loyola University on a massive scholarship. I'm attending North Central in Naperville on scholarship as well with a 3.7 GPA. Our parents pushed us to excellence and they succeeded.
Third: Our parents raised us to be kind. They raised us to understand others, empathize with others, and try to understand the world around us. They told us to try and understand even the people who didn't understand us. But honestly, it baffles me to think that there are people in the world who think that because my parents are two women who fell in love with each other, they could not successfully raise a child. I don't know how else to prove it to them! My sister and I are intelligent, ambitious, successful, and hella good looking. Megan recently moved into her very first apartment. I just got my first-ever job. My parents are now split up, but they remain good friends and are both extremely successful money-makers back home in Kansas City.
My sister and I are honestly the best of friends and we're pretty similar people. We are both Chicago-based (she is in the city and I'm just outside of it) and we get together all the time now that she's back from London. She's the person I love the most in this world and also the person I'm the meanest to.
See? A completely normal sisterly relationship.
Both of us are theatre majors, both of us studied the harp and piano, both of us are avid feminist, and both of us (obviously). Both of us have gotten in trouble for reading or texting passed our bed time, both of us have said some really shitty things to one another, and both of us have cried when we were reunited after six weeks of summer camp. In fact, she attended Interlochen Arts Camp for two summers in the 6 week musical theatre program. After she graduated high school, I followed in her footsteps. Her special place became my special place. She experienced it, was taken away from it, and then her little sister got to experience the same things.
I'd ask what is abnormal about this, but again: No one has ever directly told me that they are bothered by the fact that I have two moms. I just wanted to give my two cents on the subject seeing as despite the fact that I've never been bullied or antagonized for having two moms, the whole "wait...you don't have a dad?" thing is still a regular for me.
That said, I want to say thank you to all the masses of people who have been confused about my parents, asked me about it, and then said "oh, that's really cool."
Here's what I usually tell people about my family. (Essentially, my queerspawn FAQ if you will)
1) Is your sister your half sister or your real sister?
She is both. She is also my best friend. We were raised under the same roof. I love her more than anything in this entire world.
2) Are you a test tube baby?
No, but if I was, I would probably still be this cute.
3) What is it like not having a dad?
What is it like having to have a penis in your house ('cause I don't what's up)?
4) Wait...but your parents didn't go to college?
Back then, society didn't emphasize the fact that we have to go to college to succeed in life as much as it does today. As it so happens, my parents both started college. Melanie discontinued shortly before graduation to work for her father who went on to become a CEO for his own fuel company. My other mom, Jill, discontinued her studies to focus on her work and her happiness. She is now an award-winning media sales consultant in the marketing her company's advertising department. Both exceed expectations in their workplace, earn a more than substantial income on an annual basis, and are moms.
5) Have you met your dad?
My family is here.
6) Which one is your REAL mom?
Yes.
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